


wingmom

by icygrace



Series: Dates [3]
Category: Olympics RPF, Sports RPF, Swimming RPF
Genre: F/M, Humor, Humor/Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, family fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 15:58:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1393663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icygrace/pseuds/icygrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Oh my God, you’re encouraging him, aren’t you? What are you, his wing-mom? You know some people would call that child endanger –”</p>
            </blockquote>





	wingmom

**Author's Note:**

> One-shot. Part of the Nathan’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Dates ‘verse, this is the N/M side of the events of knight in shining speedo and Homecoming and precedes parking in cars with boys. This one finally includes something maeir has been asking for since the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and show me a man with a tattoo, even if those are in a different ‘verse.

_October 2029 – Gainesville, FL_

 

“Can you get that?”

 

Nathan picks up the phone. “You want me to answer?”

 

“Just put it on speaker.” Missy keeps chopping onions. “Thanks. Hello?”

 

“Crisis, MJ!” Ryan yells on the other end. “Lo’s date bailed; who can we blackmail on the PTA to get her a new –”

 

Missy bursts out laughing. “Seriously, Ry? That’s awful. She’d never forgive you.”

 

“So you have any ideas, genius? Michael’s best idea’s killing the kid and our best bet’s Oliver telling people she’s home si–”

 

Missy smiles. “Actually I do. I think . . . I think I have the solution to _all_ your problems.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Guess who happens to know someone whose date actually _is_ home sick tonight?”

 

“Yeah, sure, _home sick_ is a convenient excuse to ditch this _someone_. Who’s probably a really shitty –”

 

“Don’t you dare, Ryan Lochte! Don’t you _dare_!” Don’t you dare is right. But Missy’s flipping out on Ryan for this particular reason is somehow cute _and_. . . well, pretty hot. It’s probably strange that he finds her going all _mom_ hot, isn’t it? But so what? He’s allowed.

 

“OK, so who’s this total catch who just happens to be magically free tonight?”

 

“Charlie.” She pauses. “I think I could convince –”

 

“We’ll even pay him. Two hundred.”

 

“Ryan –”

 

He can hear some mumbled arguing in the background on Ryan’s end – sounds like Michael and Oliver – but before Missy gets a chance to say anything else, Ryan’s hung up.

 

“What the – what even?” That family amazes him sometimes.

 

“He needs to call back. Or else I’m calling back.”

 

“Do you really want to deal with that right now?”

 

“Yes! Because this is perfect. Like literally perfect. Because Charlie likes her.”

 

He wasn’t aware that was up for debate. “Well, yeah, they’re fri –”

 

“Seriously, Nathan? Seriously?”

 

“Seriously what?”

 

“See, this obliviousness? Why we almost didn’t get our act together. He _like_ likes her.”

 

He – really? He _like_ likes Lau– oh no. “Oh no,” he repeats out loud. He’s got that panicky feeling from years ago when he first started his residency, that terrifying _I’ve got somebody’s life in my hands_ feeling.

 

“But he does.”

 

“No. And if he hypothetically _did_ , maybe he hasn’t even realized it yet and _you’re not going to tell him_. You are not doing that to him. You’re not.” There’s no way she’s putting Charlie in harm’s way, which is  exactly what she’d be doing by facilitating, because –

 

“But Nathan –”

 

“No. Do you know who you’re dealing with? Who _he’d_ be dealing wi–”

 

“Lo is perfectly –”

 

“I’m not worried about her. I’m worried about Michael and Ryan. You know, the guys who went out and got gun licenses on their kids’ 13th birthday? Got each other rifles as an anniversary gift that year? Considered _buying an alligator_ on the black –”

 

“That’s illegal.”

 

“Exactly. Yeah, no. You’re not doing that to our son. No.”

 

“You know Ryan and I –”

 

“Ryan’s not the one who wouldn’t hesitate to kick Charlie’s teeth down his –”

 

“Nathan! Michael’s our friend.”

 

“He’s also insane when it comes to the overprotective dad thing. Certifiably. You are not putting Charlie in the line of fire. I never tell you what to do, but this is an exception. The one and only time I’m putting my foot down.” He narrows his eyes at her as he remembers something. “You weren’t telling me the whole story about that fight incident, were you?”

 

\---

 

_May 2029 – Gainesville, FL_

 

“Hey, bud – wait, what _happened_ to you?”

 

“Dad, I, um –”

 

“There was a . . . little incident at practice.”

 

“What kind of little incident?”

 

“It was the other boy’s fault, Nathan.”

 

“Did he just jump you out of nowhere?”

 

“No, he was . . . behaving completely inappropriately and wouldn’t stop,” Missy continues.

 

“I really want to hear Charlie’s version of the story.”

 

“Exactly what Mom said.”

 

“Inappropriately how?”

 

“Saying . . . very inappropriate things about one of Charlie’s friends.”

 

“Who couldn’t defend himself?” Because Oliver would’ve let someone shit-talk him. _Sure_. Tim and Tony probably would’ve brushed it off. And he’s not really sure who –

 

“That’s not the –”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“The friend wasn’t there.” And Missy is just being way too vague. It’s not like her. Almost like there’s something to hide.

 

“So who, Charlie?”

 

“Not one of the guys,” he finally mutters.

 

“Is this person in Witness Protection or something, because –”

 

“Lo,” Missy interrupts.

 

“And Oliver? Does he have a black eye to match?”

 

“He was in the shower,” Charlie mumbles. “So like –”

 

“I’m sure there were other things you could’ve done. Fighting isn’t –”

 

“It won’t happen again. He promised.”

 

“But like you said, _again_. It already –”

 

“He’s learned his lesson, don’t you think? His eye looks terrible. And I’m worried he might be concussed, I want you to make sure –” And Missy shoos him off to grab his penlight while she gets started on sandwiches before he can press Charlie further. Once he’s pretty confident Charlie’s fine, he gets him another ice pack for the eye and they sit down to lunch.

 

Missy eventually insists Charlie go rest for a bit; he’s an incredibly heavy sleeper, so it’s nearly the same as having the house to themselves.

 

After that, Nathan forgets to ask any more questions about the fight.

 

\---

 

_October 2029 – Gainesville, FL_

 

“I –”

 

“Were you?”

 

“I maybe somewhat suspected after that, but I didn’t really have a solid –”

 

“Oh my God, you’re _encouraging_ him, aren’t you? What are you, his wingmom? You know some people would call that child endanger –”

 

And that’s when the phone rings again.

 

“Speaker, please.”

 

He puts it on despite himself.

 

“Franklin!” Ryan again. “You forgot the part where your kid probably has mono –” Which he doesn’t, actually. “That’s pretty fucking crucial infor –”

 

“So you hang up on me after calling to ask for my help and THEN you call me back to yell at me about something that’s not even true?” Missy asks disbelievingly.

 

“So no mono?”

 

“Nope. Promise.”

 

“How do you know? I mean –”

 

“I mean, my understanding is it was supposed to be a platonic date, but you know how it goes, so since mono’s pretty contagious, Nathan had him checked out to be safe, because left untreated it could get complicated with swimming and everything, so you don’t –”

 

“Point please?” Their son’s health?

 

“No mono.”

 

“Gimme a minute, Miss. So what do we think?”

 

Mumbling in the background. How is this not an immediate decision? They should consider themselves so lu –

 

“ _Oliver_.”

 

Mumbling in the background.

 

And then again: “ _Oliver_.”

 

More mumbling in the background.

 

“ _Oliver Wayne_!”

 

Another pause, with a bit more mumbling.

 

“OK, MJ. We’re in.”

 

“I mean, I have to talk to him first –”

 

“Make it happen. I don’t care how. I’m telling you, we’re willing to pay.”

 

“Lochte, you are _not_ treating my son like a call boy!” At least Missy has some boundaries.

 

“I mean, I’d rather he do it for free, like I don’t wanna . . . whatever-ify –”

 

“Objectify?”

 

“Yeah that too, but desperate times call for desperate measures.”

 

“I’ll see what I can do. I’ll let you know as soon as I do.”

 

“You can’t do anything,” Nathan jumps in the second she’s hung up. “You – I don’t even know – you lie if you have to. Literally that is the _definition_ of child endangerment. He’s 15 –”

 

“Almost 16 –”

 

“Not the point. How could he possibly cope with –”

 

“With what?”

 

 _Damn it, think fast_.

 

“Your dad’s just paranoid.” _Traitor_.

 

“I’m not just –”

 

“So guess what?” Missy continues excitedly.

 

“What?”

 

“You may have a date to homecoming after all.”

 

Charlie had said something about staying home, but his friends weren’t having it. It came down to _you know how Oliver is, he was too annoying to say no to._ But getting a new date would be an improvement for sure. Maybe he’s overreacting.  After all, who is he to ruin Charlie’s fun?

 

“Oh God, Mom, what did you – please tell me you didn’t –”

 

“All I did was have a conversa–”

 

“Oh God, you _did_. You called one of the PTA moms, didn’t you? I can’t – Did you even try to stop her?”

 

That’s completely unfair. He definitely did try and he’s about to say so when Missy interrupts. “No, actually, a little birdie called _me_ and told me a certain friend of yours is in a bit of a jam. A little birdie – let’s call him a lark.” A lark. L for Lochte, of course. Hardy har har. “Happens to be a PTA dad, actually.”

 

“Like whose dad is even on the PTA, seriously?” It looks like his obliviousness is heritable after all.

 

He’s impressed by the restraint Missy must be exercising not to roll her eyes or throw her hands up in exasperation. Even now that she’s terrifying him, he knows she’s a saint to put up with them half the time.

 

“I can’t think of any. Like how are you defining _friend_ , anyway?” Charlie continues skeptically.

 

On the bright side, even if Nathan isn’t overreacting, maybe Missy’s wrong, because if Charlie really were that interested –

 

“Not at all loosely.” Certain exasperation aside, Missy is enjoying this way, way too much. “One of your very bestfriends, actually.”

 

He can seethe moment Charlie works it out. Because Charlie tries to play it cool and almost succeeds, but the expression that crosses his face the split second before he opens his mouth – before he re-arranges it into something more neutral – is a dead giveaway.

 

At least to Nathan. And must be to Missy, who probably hardly needs it, because she’s apparently light years ahead in the art of reading Charlie. (When did that happen? Nathan tries not to be jealous.)

 

“Lo?”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

“What happened –”

 

“All I know is her date isn’t an option anymore. Ryan’s exact word was _bailed_.”

 

“What’d they do to him?” Charlie asks suspiciously.

 

If nothing else, their boy has somesense of self-preservation. Maybe this will be OK after all.

 

“Nothing that I know of. Anyway, they know what I’d do to them if they so much as harmed a hair on your head,” Missy continues cheerfully.

 

\---

 

_May 2022 – Gainesville, FL_

 

When Charlie’s 8, he falls out of a tree in Michael and Ryan’s yard.

 

He comes out of the falling incident with only a cleanly broken arm – _only_ , he can hear Missy asking disbelievingly. It’s better than a complicated fracture, at any rate. Easier to heal.

 

Not that that’s any consolation to a boy forbidden to play his favorite sports until his arm healed. “That’s _ages_ ,” Charlie whines, the _you’re a doctor, tell them,_ please, _Dad_ unspoken when Nathan finally sees him hours later. He scrubbed in on surgery that day, so he doesn’t even find about it until after that’s over. That’s well after the guys bring Charlie in, well after the minor cuts, x-ray, and cast are seen to.

 

But because the universe has a terriblesense of humor, Charlie is under the care of Jackson Spelling, the attending who absolutely _hates_ Nathan for no reason.  Nathan practically wants to punch his friend Vic when he’d told him. After all, Vicwas there and could’ve handled it, easily. It’s Charlie, for Christ’s sake.

 

“You let him take care of my son. My _only child_ _–_ “

But Vic cuts him off, “Yeah, well you try having Spelling come in and insist he’s going to handle it himself. _Heard so much about you_ , Spelling says to Charlie. Like he’s your buddy. What was I supposed to do, Nate?”

 

\---

 

_October  2029 – Gainesville, FL_

 

He’s never been exactly sure what happened that day, other than 1) Michael and Ryan have since always been half-afraid of Missy, and 2) Spelling started being niceto him, with no apparent ulterior motive.

 

“True. But like –”

 

“It’ll be fine, I –”

 

“But like how did this all – like why’d you even think of this in the first place?”

 

“Well, like I said, Ryan called –”

 

“You and Ryan decided? Like so Lo doesn’t even –”

 

“Lo must be _so_ unhappy – I know I would be – not to have a date at the very last minute –”

 

And Charlie’s weakening. Missy’s hitting him where she knows it hurts, because he’s way too like them for his own good: he wants to make everybody happy, but especially his friends and well, if he really does “ _like_ like” Lauren, then she probably ranks especially –

 

“Especially when she thought she was going with the star running back.” Missy needs to get a hobby if she’s so up-to-date on the kids’ comings and goings and doings.

 

And maybe _he_ needs a hobby, because he knows she almost had it in the bag but now’s almost blown it, because reminding Charlie of the “high-status” date Lauren had isn’t the tack to take.

 

(Nathan _was_ a teenage boy once, after all.)

 

“Captain,” Charlie mumbles.

 

While he’s pretty confident (certain) that Charlie is a more talented athlete than whatever-his-face the football captain, he appears to have fallen for quite possibly the only girl in the world who won’t be impressed by anything he ever accomplishes in a pool because the men in her family will have done him one (or several) better. Poor buddy. Maybe he should’ve stuck with soccer.

 

“Ryan was pretty . . . agitated. I mean, he asked me about blackmailing somebody –”

 

“So you were the lucky blackmailee?”

 

“No, this is so it doesn’t come to that. Would you want him to embarrass Lo like that?” And Missy’s back to playing Charlie like a fiddle.

 

“No!” Charlie coughs. “Um, I mean, we’d never hear the end of it if he did, you know? Like she’d never –”

 

“Anyway, it’s just much better this way. You both had dates, but now neither of you does – through no fault of your own – and you’re friends. It’ll be much more fun than going alone or with someone random, even if you’re still with your group, don’t you think?”

 

“I guess.” It’s almost . . . sweet, how Charlie thinks he’s actually fooling them. “It might be weird though. And like, you know Oliver, he’d be all weird about –”

 

“Don’t you think he’d be weirder about the fact that his sister doesn’t have a date and you, their friend, also don’t have a date and you don’t want to go with her? I mean, ask your dad –”

 

He shakes his head. No, he does notwant to get involved, thank you very much.

 

“Oliver was in the background when Ryan was talking to me and there didn’t seem to be any opposition to the idea. I mean, if anything, he might get mad at you if you don’t–”

 

“Yeah, you’re right.” So eager to be persuaded. Too eager.

 

Missy barely even had to try.

 

There’s no use fighting it, is there?

 

“So are you in?”

 

“I mean, how even – like I mean, I guess I should text her or whatever, maybe, because it’s weird –”

 

Missy claps her hands together delightedly. “I have a better idea.”

 

“Mom–”

 

“Go shower.”

 

“Please don’t do anything embarrassing.”

 

“Trust me, OK? You’ll be glad you did.”

 

\---

 

Missy’s better idea involves sending _him_ running to the florist to pay an ungodly amount of money for a corsage. “Gardenias or tulips or daisies, roses as a last resort, because those are kind of clichéd. White, maybe a light yellow because her dress is blue. No, wait, no not yellow –

Even _he_ knows yellow equals friendship.

“Something nice, not tacky, call me when you get there, because you won’t know– Actually, no, just – just help him get ready, find a blue tie, OK? Dark blue? They should match,” she calls over her shoulder.

 

He’s grateful enough not to be stuck on flower duty that he doesn’t even call her out for insulting his taste. He’s bought her perfectly nice flowers before.

 

\---

 

The getting dressed bit hardly takes any time at all. Carefully combed (but not _obviously_ carefully combed, of course) hair, cologne (subtle), shoes polished to a shine, (dark blue) tie tied properly. Easy.

 

But now for the hard part. “So homecoming. I mean, this isn’t your first homecoming, but now you’re a little older and you know, things happen –” he starts carefully.

 

Charlie just looks at him.

 

“I know we already had a talk about this stuff –”

 

Charlie goes tomato-red, obviously realizing what _this stuff_ means. “ _Dad_! I – she – I mean –”

 

“I’m not trying to embarrass you here, you know, I just – I’m trying to be realistic. It’s –” He was about to say _pretty clear to your mom and me that you like her_ , but that would be mortifying and that’s not the point. “It’s not unreasonable that you would . . . like Lauren in a more than friendly way. She’s a pretty girl. You already get along well. I’m just saying, just in case, OK?”

 

Charlie’s won’t quite look at him. “Yeah, OK.”

 

And that’s when he hears the door. “Charlie, let’s go!”

 

“Just – be careful. Mike and Ryan – I just –”

 

“I like my face the way it is.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“We’re going to be late!”

 

“Coming, Mom!”

 

\---

 

Missy’s smiling so brightly when she walks into the kitchen that he can’t be mad about the fact that she’s just delivered their son into the ~~lion’s~~ ~~gator’s~~ ~~dolphin’s~~ terrifying creature’s den. When she smiles like that, he can’t help but want to smile back, no matter the circumstances.

 

Even when he came home to find a puppy she and Charlie adopted – without absolutely any discussion – when they’d taken Brownie to the vet and overheard someone saying they’d have to give it up because their baby was allergic. A sheepish _sorry_ , accompanied by an equally sheepish grin and a _she’s so sweet, isn’t she?_ was enough to disarm him completely.

 

Even that time with the brownies.

 

It’s one of the best/worst things about her.

 

The best/worst thing about Missy is that when she kisses him, it’s enough to make him forget everything else – in this case, what he’s supposed to be mad about. That he’s even supposed to be at least a little bit mad at all. That Charlie might very well be in not-unserious danger. (Poor buddy.) That they haven’t had dinner and he’s _hungry_.

 

He does remember to turn off the stove before leaning in for another kiss. 


End file.
